How do I support someone who needs help?

Words matter

Certain words can make people feel excluded, shamed or even unsafe.

• Use respectful language like, "substance use disorder," "recurrence," "tested positive/negative for [substance]."
• Use person-first language like, "person who uses drugs," "person in recovery."

Encourage seeking professional care

Be supportive and encourage speaking to a caring professional to discuss treatment and recovery options.

Rebuild trust

Set boundaries. Start small and add to it. Be patient.

With every journey, there are ups, downs and setbacks. Recurrence is a common part of the recovery journey. Recovery is a lifelong process.

Have compassionate conversations when they seem receptive to hearing from you. Talking with them may be difficult, but your support can help them recover.

How to build trust

• Talk with them in a quiet place
• Let them know you are concerned and want to help
• Consider their readiness to talk
• Discuss their behavior, not their character
• Express your point of view with "I" statements like, "I have noticed..." or "I am concerned about..."
• Listen without judgement
• Treat them with respect
• Do not force them to admit they have a problem or that they need help
• Do not use stereotypical language like, "addict" or "junkie"
• Have realistic expectations for change

Find more help at Mental Health First Aid.

There are resources in your community to help.

You don't have to do this alone. There are recovery professionals that can help you provide support and connect you to services.

VT Helplink Alcohol & Drug Support Center

VT Helplink is a free resource for Vermonters, providing confidential, non-judgmental support and referrals. A caring Helplink Specialist will listen to you, answer your questions, and help connect you to local services.

Call 802-565-LINK (5465) or toll-free 833-565-LINK (5465).

• Available 24 hours a day, everyday
• Free and confidential

Visit VTHelplink.org

Providing support can take a toll on you, too

When supporting someone close to you who is in recovery, it’s also important to take care of yourself.

• Set boundaries
• Practice self-care
• Learn more about addiction
• Find support from peers and professionals

VT Helplink Alcohol & Drug Support Center

VT Helplink is a free resource for Vermonters, providing confidential, non-judgmental support and referrals. A caring Helplink Specialist will listen to you, answer your questions, and help connect you to local services.

Call 802-565-LINK (5465) or toll-free 833-565-LINK (5465).

• Available 24 hours a day, everyday
• Free and confidential

Visit VTHelplink.org

It can feel overwhelming when you first find out that someone you know is struggling with alcohol, cannabis, opioids or other drugs. It can be shocking and upsetting, but you are not alone. There are many ways to help them recover.

What to know about addiction

Problem use of substances can lead to physical or mental reliance on that substance. Addition is not a personal failure and people can recover with support.

How to support someone

• Learn about the substance of concern and it's mental and physical impacts on health
• Set and communicate clear boundaries and stand by them. It's okay to say that you don't want alcohol or drugs around you and that you aren't willing to give them money to buy it.
• Get support for yourself. There are counselors and peer groups that specialize in supporting you.
• Let them know you care and are there for them. Be there to listen and talk through stressful situations.
• Find local resources to help them seek support and treatment options.
• Carry naloxone, especially if opioid use is a concern. You can get naloxone for free at locations across Vermont or have it mailed to your home for free.

Find more help at Mental Health First Aid.

Denial is common. It can be frustrating when someone refuses to acknowledge their addiction, doesn't want to seek treatment or doesn't want to stop using substances. 

Remember that they might not be ready for treatment.

Talking with someone about their denial

Offering support and talking with them can help them realize the impact their addiction has on themselves and those around them and can encourage them to seek treatment.

• Pick the right moment. Make sure they are in a good frame of mind and haven't been using substances. Lead with care, empathy and legitimate concern.
• Start with the bigger picture. Before talking about substance use, ask them how they are doing and what's going on in their life. Be present and listen, acknowledging how they're feeling.
• Gently approach their substance use. The goal is not to blame someone for their addiction. The goal is to help them acknowledge their addiction.
• Make them feel safe to open up. The more they see you opening up, the safer they'll feel doing the same. Empathy, honesty and care can break down denial.
• Be prepared with easy next steps. Let them know you support them and will be there for them as they seek help. Remind them, with treatment, people recover. Addiction doesn't have to define their future.

Your support can make the difference as someone is on their recovery journey, especially when times get tough. You can help them stay focused on their goals and give the stability they need to succeed.

What to expect

Recovery is a lifelong journey. Focus on small steps and take it day by day.

• Withdrawal occurs as a physical response to ending substance use. It can last for several days and can cause symptoms like nausea and vomiting, anxiety, trouble sleeping, hot and cold flashes, sweating, shaking, muscle cramps and other symptoms.
• Recurrence (also known as "relapse") is common and can happen more than once in someone's recovery journey. Validate that this is not a failure, but a part of the process to recover.

How to support someone

• Make the process simple. If you are able, help them with the logistics of recovery like giving them a ride or arranging hang outs around their recovery schedule.
• Provide stability. Create a predictable and safe environment. Help them establish a routine, encourage responsibility and help with practical tasks.
• Stay positive. Use encouragement to remind them that the hard work and setbacks are worth it to achieve their recovery goals.
• Encourage health in other ways. Support them in eating healthy, exercising and having positive social interactions with friends and family.
• Make time to hang out with them around their recovery schedule. Join them in activities like going to a movie, walking in the park, watching a sporting event, or other things they like to do. Boredom and isolation can lead to recovery setbacks.
• Find healthy ways to cope with stress. Help them manage the challenges that come their way so they know they are not alone.
• Understand recurrence (also know as "relapse"). It is common and not a recovery failure. Validate them and help them move past it.

Recurrence (also known as "relapse") is common. It's not a sign of failure. Recovery journeys are rarely a straight line.

Why does recurrence happen?

People who experience recurrence often face risk factors in the days, weeks or months leading up to a recurrence event. These usually come in the form of difficult feelings or experiences that challenge their ability to cope with their addictions. The greater the number of risk factors, the higher the risk for recurrence.

Common risk factors

• Exposure to triggers
• Stress
• Interpersonal problems
• Peer pressure
• Lack of social support
• Physical pain
• Low self-esteem

How to stay positive

• Take it one step at a time.
• Set and enforce boundaries.
• Get support for yourself.

Providing support after recurrence

• Lead with empathy. There is a lot of shame associated with recurrence. This can be a barrier to people re-engaging with treatment. Be empathetic and validate that recurrence is not a failure.
• Refocus on goals. Help them focus on their larger recovery goals.
• Understand triggers. Talk about what leads to them using substances again and help them make a plan for when those events happen again in the future.
• Review treatment options. Going back to treatment can feel daunting or embarrassing. Support them in re-engaging with the options that were working for them before or help them find new options that might better address their needs.